One easy piece

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1. I’m sure we’ve all been making a series of frantic phone calls in an attempt
   to locate one of these rare & endangered articles of clothing. If anyone is
   successful, please let me know !

   Since this wonderful piece of clothing was brought to our attention I have
   been undertaking some serious scientific research into the origins of the
   garment. I feel it is my duty to share this with you all.

   The underlying design of this garment was developed by a young German
   military scientist Erik Von Schteilmeister during his research into aviation
   suit design prior to the second world war. Named ‘blow-job’ by his
   colleagues for his disregard for personal safety in the pioneering wind
   tunnel experiments of the 1930s, Erik became a world leader in aerodynamics
   research in the field of military apparel. His many prototype designs were
   to become, and still are, recognised globally as the base model for airforce
   and motor racing clothing world wide.

   After several years at the top of his field, Erik began experimenting with
   civilian designs but became disillusioned his creations were being withheld
   from the general public in the interests of national security. This was the
   catalyst that brought about a lifestyle of self destruction, culminating in
   his dishonourable discharge after the infamous ‘Swedish hot-tub’ incident of
   1942.

   Erik’s designs were all but destroyed with the fall of Germany in 1945.
   However, one remaining prototype was smuggled to the US by Erik’s younger
   half brother Sven who sought asylum towards the end of the war.

   By 1967 Sven had become a struggling fashion designer with the Sexy Bitch
   Polyester Design Co. Always one for fashion over function, Sven had
   rediscovered his brother’s garment and altered the legs such that the ankle
   was flared, thus destroying the fundamental aerodynamics of the suit. In his
   mind this increased its aesthetic appeal.

   Erik’s designs were to finally receive public attention in the early 1970s
   via Sven’s escapades in B grade pool pornos and the odd celebrity spa party
   (much the same thing). However, the public at the time were not fully
   convinced of the fashionable appeal of the suit. However, what Sven did not
   realise is that the alterations he had made to the leg of his brother’s suit
   in the late 1960s were a breakthrough in scientific design.

   Erik who was living as a recluse in Scandinavia received word his designs
   had not been destroyed and were slowly gaining public recognition via his
   brother. He travelled to the US to join Sven in the design of functional yet
   fashionable clothing based upon the 1940s prototypes. In 1974 motorcycle
   genius Evil Kneivel wore one of their prototype suits in his attempt at the
   world jump record, the flared legs providing the much needed floatation
   allowing him to break the previous record by 100m. Public sales in the
   garments flourished with this extra exposure and especially after intensive
   scientific research showed that one could effortlessly pull stylish moves at
   the discotech without restriction and without compromising fashion. Yes,
   Schteilmeister & Schteilmeister was born.

   By the early 1980s the design received several changes with the new moves.
   At this time the flared leg was replaced by a tight fitting elastic cuff
   that produced the greater degree of aerodynamic response required for such
   ground breaking manoeuvres as the backspin and ‘electric boogaloo’.
   Fluorescent colours also aided the personal safety aspect, improving
   visibility to others when engaging particularly aggressive break dancing
   moves or when staggering home down a main road after a huge night on the
   tropicana or west coast cooler.

   Schteilmeister & Schteilmeister continued their designs into the 1990s and
   continued to meet the rigorous demands of the public for stylin yet
   functional clothing. Yes, these two pioneers were moving with the times of
   the extreme generation and developed a line of extra baggy jeans with
   sufficient pockets to allow a mobile phone, skateboard, basketball and sony
   playstation to all be transported without the need for manual handling. Of
   course the aerodynamics were no longer present in their designs but this
   aspect was no longer a requirement for the computer generation, the public
   preferring to sit on their arse rather than mix it up like their
   forefathers.

   The actual jumpsuit design based on Erik’s revolutionary prototypes was
   phased out of production from public markets in 1988. However, limited
   releases of the product still occur periodically, being distributed through
   a syndicate of Woy Woy op shops.

   Its all true,

   Comment by Kate — 8 August 2007 @ 9:24 am

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